Page 12 HIGH GEAR

Scoring in the Bars: Beyond the

PLEASE GOD, HELP ME SCORE TONIGHT!

---Anonymous Some headline, right? It's the most obscene thing I have ever seen displayed in a gay bar. It's on the wall of a bar in Akron. I don't know whether it should stay up or be taken down, but those words underscore the basic dishonesty of gay bars.

When you or I approach some -one in a bar, why can't we just introduce ourselves and talk awhile and get to know each other a little better, without sex always being foremost in our thoughts? Why do we automatically turn to look every time the door opens? Why must the implied undertone of conversation always be "I wonder if I can score with this one tonight?"

How many times have you picked up someone and gone home with them for a one-night stand? How many one-nighters do you remember by name? How many one-nighters ever spoke to you again and how many did you ever speak to again? How many did you talk about to your friends--and were your comments favorable or deplorable? How many one-nighters were actually satisfying to you deep down inside where it really matters? If your experiences have been at all similar to mine, the answer is not very many--maybe one or two. And those one or two were people I got to know before I took them home, so that we were already on the way to being friends before we went to bed together.

Does this sound like sour grapes? Well, maybe. But how many of the hundreds of people in the bars every weekend would rather be anywhere else with someone special? I really wish I knew! It's very sad to read the various gay newspapers and see

Physical

ads that say "Lover Wanted." Some say it pays to advertise, but if we can't find each other in person, how can we possibly find each other in the pages of a newspaper!

How many times have you met a special someone who you thought could very well be the answer to your prayers, only to find that those deeper feelings were all one-sided--your side and how many times have you felt that awful pain inside your guts that says "burned again"?! have felt it so many times that I don't know if I can handle it again. But, after crying myself into a restless sleep, I try in the following days to keep my hands and mind extra busy until the hurt has some time to heal, and then I start looking again. And each time all this happens, I ask myself: What's wrong with me that nobody wants me? Am I that I unpleasant to look at? Am I boring to be with? How many times have you asked yourself these questions--maybe not aloud or even consciously--but subconsciously--in the back of your mind--where the suspicion that you are not quite "right" can hide and pick away at your thoughts day after day?

When you look at someone in the bar, how do you rate them on your own scale of why they might appeal to you? Looks, physique, personality, common interests? I have finally realized that looks and physique are not important. A real relationship with depth and substance is totally dependent on personality and common interests. Without these elements, there is no relationship. Now we're back to where we started. If we aren't willing to take the time to talk and get to know each other before we head for the bedroom, we're never going to find those most important ele-

ments that really build a relationship. We will be stranded in the old dishonest routine of "I don't want to talk to that--not cute enough!" "Cute" gets old quick.

When was the last time you just slept with someone you liked and who, I hope, liked you--just sharing a mutual closeness that was more spiritual than physical--a closeness that was sufficient in itself just because you were together--and felt no need to perform sexually and prove your selves to each other? Sadly enough, I have found these times too few and too far between. And I have also come to realize that a lot of the fault is mine because I (and probably you, too) am afraid to really reach out and touch someone else in conversation that is more than just small talk, an exchange of phone numbers, and all that such searching can lead to, because ! am scared of being burned again. And how many of those phone numbers with promises to call get left behind because of those fears? It hurts to get told "No, I don't want to go out with you" for whatever reason. In the bar it hurts worse than on the phone because the implied reason is "You're not good enough" or "Something better looking might walk in the door before 2:30." But if that judgment is based on looks and physique only, how do we know who is or isn't "good enough"?

The next time someone reaches out to you, I hope you will try to respond on a deeper level. I am trying. If you will all join me, and reach out to someone you never spoke to before each time you go to a bar, maybe we can all help each other find each other.

Magazine seeks lesbian support

Dear Friends:

In an effort to restore the bal-

ance of male-female perspective to its fiction, articles, graphics, and advertising, CHRISTOPHER STREET MAGAZINE is contacting lesbians and feminist groups

across the nation.

Since July 1976, CHRISTOPHER STREET has offered gay readers a large roster of provocative fiction, poetry, essays, and art by and about women.

Yet, halfway through our third year of publication, CHRISTOPHER STREET has seen a sharp decline in the number of women readers and contribut-

ors.

What's happened to lesbians and feminists and the talent among them? We know you're out there. Occasionally we get an irate letter saying the magazine is too male-oriented. A few have responded to a Reader's Survey in the February issue.

CHRISTOPHER STREET wants to bring women closer together and closer to the gay men who share their ideals. We want to provide the very finest in literature, humor, art, and music

for women in this country.

But we cannot do it alone. We

must have your strength, your ideas, your talents. We have become entangled in the Catch22 situation of women avoiding us because they think CHRISTOPHER STREET is a man's magazine, so the pool of women's works has diminished and we have less and less to draw from. Advertisers for women's products refuse to advertise until we show a larger female readership, yet women refuse to subscribe until they see more

advertising directed at them. Frankly, we are puzzled and must come directly to you with our

COVENTR

predicament.

Please share this message with your friends and colleagues. Post it for others in your group to see and talk about. And please, break this silence that has prevented us from giving you what you want in a truly great magazine.

If you would like to see a sample issue or want to know more about subscriptions, manuscript submission, or advertising, please contact:

Ms. Bobbi Morgan Advertising Director 250 West 57th St., Suite 417 New York, NY 10019 (212) 929-7334

1824 Coventry Road Cleveland Heights

10-10 WEEKDAYS 10-7 SATURDAY NOON-6 SUNDAY

VENTRY BOOKS Sale/50% off

ON ALL SECOND HAND BOOKS

ENTIRE MONTH OF APRIL TRA

Good-bye Dennis,

Thank you!

By

Dennis Highland.

Nearly eighteen months have passed since I wrote my first article for High Gear. Throughout this time I have undergone emotional changes (as everyone has); and these changes have been reflected in the writing styles and subject matters I have chosen throughout these months.

Over the past few days I have been reviewing copies of what I have written. In these articles I have attempted to expose the gay life in its entirety, as well as our own lives in the gay subculture; I've discussed those relentless stereotypes and how we need to overcome them by living our lives as individuals; I have emphasized the importance of the emotional aspect of the word "gay" over mere physical urges. Throughout this time I have written extensively about my thoughts and perceptions, and it was a tremendous developmental experience.

And therein lies the issue. Ihave contributed all that I feel I can at this time. Therefore, this will be my last regular article for High Gear. While I may write again from time to time, I will no longer contribute on a monthly basis. It is simply a matter of self-

Continued from Page 11 streets? If people dig orgies, all right--behind closed doors. You place such little intrinstic value on sex, you are satisfied to engage in it near garbage cans.

Yes. Brother John, I, too,have my dark side, I.too,have contributed to the sexual carnage. But I'm not proud of it; I try not to continue. Also, I, too, am a certain part of the sexual carnage. and in your way you are too. for apparently you have loved little. if at all. Perhaps I should add that I also once knew the streets of Los Angeles. I left Los Angeles a few years before you arrived there--or perhaps our times there overlapped--and technically was a sexual outlaw in the City of Angels. I, too, but in a way different from you. wandered and hitchhiked on the streets of Los Angeles. I, in my own way.have wandered on the night streets of many American and foreign cities. Perhaps I understand you well because we are--were-somewhat alike.

Read the writing of Daniel Curzon, including his current "Among the Carnivores." If he doesn't believe in an affectionate gay brotherhood, at least he anticipates it as a goal Curzon writes of sexual kindness, something you seem to know little of although you are non-violent-usually. I qualify this statement because you admit involvement in sado-masochism I'm glad that you are trying to extricate yourself from this. You haven't quite made it, for you describe one encounter in which your sexual power is appeased by getting paid for involvement in S-M. But fortunately you left the groveling man ashamed of yourself.

Read also, or again, the promi rent gay novels of last year: "Dancer from the Dance" by

appraisal. I like to think that I have contributed a great deal thus far, and I want to stop before my articles become objects of mass production rather than labors of thought and reflection.

The High Gear staff is comprised of dedicated people; 1 consider myself privileged to know them and write for them. I express my gratitude to High Gear for providing me with the opportunity to write about my impressions of gay life.

I also thank everyone who has taken the time to read what I have written. I have learned a great deal these past eighteen months, and hope that you have learned as well. I have met many people who have offered me their opinions usually favorable about my articles, and who also provided me with ideas and revelations which proved to provide fertile materials for my work. These people (and they know who they are) will always be special to me.

If I have left anyone with a greater sense of pride, responsibility,and love, then my work will have served its purpose. And for those of you who also have a better idea of what it is like to be gay. I want you to know that you are not only the primary reason! started writing, but also the source of my present contentment.

Andrew Holleran and "Fattots" by Larry Kramer. These books tell gay people--some gay people--what fools they are for allowing themselves to become obsessed with the sexual hunt. for pursuing sex rabidly and indiscriminately. Curzon, Holleran, and Kramer perhaps have their dark sides, but at least they can see some of the flaws in gay life and depict them on paper in a constructively critical manner.

You, too,have your moments of vision, but these are cancelled by your personal actions, for which you actually give no real apology. John Rechy can't merely stand back and at times issue token criticism of Jim as if Jim was someone else. Drop the third person. Use the first person. Bind the split in your personality.

In one of your moments of vision you state the problem well. and in italics for emphasis: "It may be that overall--and with marked exceptions--the gay minority cares less for its own, does less for its own, than any other minority."

You've stated it, Brother John. Now let's you, and me, and the other gay brothers do something about caring for our own (I think our Lesbian sisters have made more progress in this respect than we have). Let's begin not Iwith intellectualizing but with positive personal behavior--or follow the intellectualizing with positive personal behavior. Let's reach for a wider range of caring and helping, sublimating love of sexual power for power to love-sexually and fraternally. Then, my brother as an integrated individual use your writing talent to guide your brothers to better things

Fraternally yours, George